Momma,

I'm sitting here thinking about 2 years ago tonight. You were so sick, and I was in such denial. You were scheduled for a CT scan the next day, so you couldn't have anything after midnight, but I kept sneaking you water, it was our little secret that we kept from the nurse. I just knew you were going to pull through.

The nurses came in every hour, and your blood pressure was dropping, at one point, it was so low, they started to put a call in to the doctor. Still, I sat there believing you would pull through.

Then around 8 the next morning, of the 17th of march, you just sat up and acted as if nothing was wrong. You told me to hurry up and go home and see about daddy. I told you I'd be back soon, your answer will forever be in my mind. You told me "when you get back, I'm going home".  I thought you meant here, at the house, and said "momma, you can't go home today, you still have to have your CT Scan. You were so serious when you told me " I mean it, you better hurry up". Sure enough, when I got back 2 hours later, you were going into a coma. The nurses had to call a priest in to talk to me, I still couldn't accept it. Finally I knew I had to let you go, and I grabbed your hand and told you "momma, it's ok, go home, go be with your momma."  You told me "Don't hurt you", it was all you could get out, but I knew what you meant. I told you "you think if you go home, I won't be able to stand it and you nodded yes, I then told you through blinding tears, no my darling, you don't worry about me, go home. Besides you'll be watching over me won't you and again you nodded yes, and you'll come get me when it's time won't you? and again, you nodded yes. Then you gathered all the strength left in you and said "i Love You" and went into a coma.  It took 7 hours for your heart to stop beating. The whole time, I had my head on your chest, holding your hand, singing "will the circle be unbroken".

It was the most heartbreaking thing in my life, but it was also the most beautiful, because I got to be with you. I love you momma, more than words can tell..........

Momma,

It's December again, and the hurt is stronger than ever. Christmas was always "our" holiday, especially since your birthday is Christmas Day. I can't put into words how much I miss you. To say that my heart is broken is an understatement. 

Now it's hard with daddy. Oh momma, I wish you were here with me, to help me with him. It breaks my heart to see him this way. I feel you here, I know your with me. I just would give anything and I mean anything, to see your sweet face just one more time!!!!!

I love you my angel!!!!!!!!! Margaret

Margaret , please know you are in the heart and thoughts of many. We are all keeping your dad and your mom in our thoughts and prayers. 

Sunshine Greeters

Momma, look what lyn made for us!!!!!!! When I saw it, I cried, for a minute, I felt like I was with you again!!! We are so blessed to have her in our life!!!!

Momma,

It has been 17 months and it's hurting worse than ever. I keep going over everything you went through in my mind. Why didn't I see what was happening?? I do blame the doctor though for giving you so much chemo at the end. You didn't deserve all of that, and I blame myself. I kept thinking "it's going to get rid of all the cancer".

Momma, I am so lonely, so lost without you. I miss All of you, I sit here by myself, thinking of you, marlene, susie, aunt eva, grandma, oh God your all over there, and I miss you all so much. I don't think my heart will ever mend, and I really don't want it to mend. 

I am trying my best to keep my promise I made to you. Really, momma, I'm trying. You were the greatest gift that God ever gave me, and I thank Him for that gift every day. 

I will be so happy when "that day" comes, then I will be home.

I love you with all of what's left of my heart!

These Wings Of An Angel
So Pure And White,
These Wings Of An Angel
Will Hold You Tight,

These Wings Of An Angel
Will Caress Your Skin,
These Wings Of An Angel
Will Keep Love Within.

These Wings From An Angel
Are God's Gift To You,
These Wings From An Angel
Will See You Through.
(anonymous)

Wow, it's been 16 months today momma. It hurts just as bad today as it did 16 months ago. I was remembering when you used to cry about grandma, I didn't understand, I would say "Momma, that was so long ago". You told me, "You never get over losing your mother". Oh God, I know it's true now. I hope you know how much I love you and how very proud I am of you. I am honored to have you as my Mother!! And I can't wait until we are together again. The only thing that is getting me though this miserable world, is knowing that you are now whole, happy and with your family. I love you momma....

Momma, today would have been you and dad's 63rd wedding anniversary. He was thinking of you all day. He misses you so much, as we all do. Happy Anniversary Momma!!!!

Momma, 

Last year on this day, was the beginning of the end. I remember getting up to the hospital, about this time of day. The male nurse that came on duty at 6pm, telling me, that you were dying. I didn't believe him, told him he was crazy. Then I called the Dr., and he reassured me that you were FINE!  Well so much for the trust of the doctor huh? 

I couldn't, wouldn't leave you, not for anyone, or any reason. They had you NPO, because you were supposed to take a CT scan the next day. You were so thirsty, when the nurse would walk out, I'd sneak you some water. We'd laugh, it was our little secret.  Then about 4 AM, you began reaching for the ceiling, and talking to Ernie. I sat on that couch, and cried for an hour before I could make myself get up and admit what was happening. 

The nurse had to call a priest to talk to me, but  I didn't really need him, because, I knew you wanted to go, and no matter how hard I tired, I couldn't stop it. I had to let you go. Because you were on a code blue, I had to walk down to the nurses station and tell them to take you off, and put you on a DNR. That was one of the longest walks in my life. 

Even though I died inside, It was an honor, to hold your hand, while you were going. I thank you, and I thank God for letting you tell me that Aunt Eva and Philip had come to take you home. And I will never forget the last words you spoke to me, "don't hurt you", meaning that you didn't want to hurt me, but you had to go. I told you it was ok, to go home, then you said " I love you", and went into a coma, it took 4 hours for you to stop breathing, and I sat there the whole time, with my head on your chest, singing, Will the circle be unbroken. 

And now it is unbroken, I look at the photo of you, and aunt eva, and all the rest, and I know that is how you all are right now. It does give me strength to go from one day to the next. 

You were and are the greatest gift God ever gave me. I love you momma, remember your promise, I'm holding you to it!!! 

Fly with the Angels Sweet Momma!!!

Momma, tomorrow marks 10 months since you've gone home. It still doesn't seem real to me. I feel so alone, and lost. One day I too will go home, to be with all of you, until then stay close. I love you more than ever, You were the greatest Gift that God ever gave me!!!! I love you Momma~~

Momma, I saw Carolyn today. I haven't talked to her since you went home. She told me something that you told her, just before your surgery. It has eased my mind a bit momma, I believe somehow you sent her to me. Momma you are always watching over me aren't you? That's why I love you so much! Behave now~~

Oh momma, I think back to last new years eve, you were so sick, in the hospital. I came home to get some sleep, somehow you managed to call me at midnight to say happy new year. How am I supposed to get through this life alone, and without you? I miss you so much momma, it's killing me. I know your happy, your whole, and with your family, that does give me comfort. Also momma, thank you for your "gift" last night, it means everything to me, just knowing your still here. Enjoy your new year, with grandma, grandpa, aunt eva, aunt Ivy, aunt gladys, Uncle Ment, Uncle Ellis, Erma, phillip, ernie, susie, marlene, hazel, vickie, mrs patin, tell them all, how much I miss them and I can't wait to be with all of you again!!! I love you momma, Happy new year my precious angel~~

There are no words to describe my pain. I miss you so much, my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my body. I don't know how I will be able to go on in this world, when everyone I love, you most of all, are home. Momma, I love you so much! I thank God every day for you and I can't wait to come home!!!!

It's december momma, your first christmas and birthday in heaven with Jesus and all of your family. I feel like a lost lamb, crying for it's mother. I think back and remember all of my "friends" telling me "just call me, I'll be there for you", yea right, they all scattered to the 4 corners of the earth. That's ok, it was always just you and me wasn't it momma? You'll be with me in spirit I know that, I just wish I could be with all of you. I love you and miss you so much. You will always be my angel!

I sit and wonder if this pain will ever go away momma. I remember all those times you cried for your momma. You were a lot stronger than I am. I am all alone, and I miss you all so much! Today was Aunt Eva's and Erma's birthday, tell them I love them, and hopefully it won't be too many years before I see you all again! I try to make through each day, but my heart is just broke into a million little pieces. I love you Momma, I love you all, tell everyone how much I miss them. Love you forever Margaret